Promoting Marriage

提倡结婚



President Bush’s marriage advocate, Wade Horn, believes your marriage can make a difference.

——布什总统的婚姻倡导顾问韦德•霍恩相信婚姻能扭转现代人的困境



Jim Killam

吉姆•基兰



Wade Horn doesn’t view himself or his ideas as particularly revolutionary. He’d say he’s merely the promoter of an obvious prescription: Healthy marriages can cure all sorts of societal ills, and they should be promoted by government and advertised by happy couples.



韦德• 霍恩不认为他自己或他的想法多么具有革命性。他说他仅仅是在推广一个明摆着的药方：健康的婚姻能治愈各种社会弊病。实际上这应该由政府来推广，由幸福的夫妻来做广告。



When Congress last summer began updating 1996’s welfare reforms, Horn took center stage as the Bush Administration’s point man on marriage and family policy. The proposal: Spend up to $300 million a year encouraging couples to get—and stay—married, through tax incentives, access to counseling, and mass-media campaigns. The end result, he hopes, will be a lower divorce rate, fewer out-of-wedlock births, and, ultimately, fewer people living in poverty.



去年夏天美国国会开始更新1996年的福利改革，霍恩作为布什政府婚姻家庭政策的特约顾问正式亮相。他的提议：联邦每年支出3亿美元，运用减税刺激、为婚姻咨询提供方便以及大众传媒作宣传等方法鼓励结婚，鼓励营造婚姻。他希望这样做的结果，能够降低离婚率，减少非婚生育并且最终能减少贫困人口。



The idea that strong marriages build a strong society isn’t exactly a revelation. But remember: This is Washington. Sometimes logic doesn’t work here. The down-to-earth, 47-year-old Horn likes to joke that the length of a government official’s title is inversely proportional to how much power he has. Then he rattles off his: Assistant Secretary for Children and Families in the Administration for Children and Families, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.



稳固的婚姻是稳定社会的基础，这想法并不是什么新发现。但是，别忘了这里是华盛顿。有时逻辑在这里是行不通的。47岁的霍恩很务实，他喜欢开玩笑。他说，给行政官员头衔的长度与实际权力成反比。然后，他慢吞吞吐出自己的头衔：美国卫生和民事服务部儿童和家庭局儿童和家庭助理秘书长。



Time magazine called him simply, "Bush’s marriage guy." Under Horn’s Theory of Titles, that’s a much better reflection of the influence he wields. He’s a child psychologist, worked on family policy in the first Bush Administration, and in 1994 helped found the National Fatherhood Initiative. In that role, Horn latched onto the lynchpin behind his current push: Strong, stable marriages improve children’s well-being.



《时代周刊》杂志干脆把他叫成"布什的婚姻部长"。按照霍恩的头衔理论，这头衔还比较能反映他所具有的影响力。他是儿童心理学家，在老布什执政时期搞过家庭政策，在1994年帮助创立了《全国当好父亲倡议》。从那时起，霍恩便已经决定了他现在要极力推动的：稳定的婚姻有助于改善孩子们的福祉。



His own 26-year marriage to consultant Claudia Blair Horn (they met as undergrads at American University) provides a constant backdrop. He says the most important thing they’ve learned together over those years is that marriage is a lifetime commitment, with a lifelong responsibility to take care of each other. So it follows that he approaches his administration role with "a commitment to ideals and a focus on the needs of others."



他自己与咨询人克劳迪娅•布莱尔•霍恩26年的婚姻，是他们坚实的背景。他说他们在一起这些年学习到的最重要的事情就是，婚姻是一生的承诺，需要用毕生的责任心来互相关怀。所以他把"关注对方，兑现理想" 的口号也带到他的行政工作中去。



There’s also a measure of emotional gratitude to his approach, considering how close Horn’s wife came to being a widow and his daughters came to growing up without a dad. In 1989, at age 34, Horn battled and defeated testicular cancer. His daughters, Christen and Caroline, were 7 and 4. Today, Wade and Claudia live in Gaithersburg, Maryland, with their daughters, now 20 and 17. The life-threatening experience, combined with a loving wife and family, helped Horn hold his career with a light touch—then and now.



他的工作方法还可以从他感恩的态度来理解，他曾经差一点使妻子成为寡妇、孩子失去父亲。那是1989年，34岁的霍恩与睾丸癌抗争胜利。两个女儿克里斯丁和卡罗莱娜那时才7岁和4岁。现在都有20和17岁了。妻子和女儿的爱使他战胜了病魔。韦德和克劳迪亚现在住在马里兰州的盖特斯堡。



"My marriage keeps me grounded in what’s really important in life: my wife and kids," he says. "The rest is what I do, not who I am."

他说："婚姻使我明白生活中什么才是真正重要的：妻子和孩子。剩下的就是我做什么的问题，而不是我是谁的问题。 " (意思是我首先是丈夫和父亲，把这个身份搞清楚了，剩下就是该干什么就干什么的问题了。)



He also brings a refreshing, and unusual, perspective to Washington each day: He says what he believes, floats ideas that might offend some, and doesn’t hesitate to admit when he realizes he’s wrong. After all, once a guy’s beaten cancer, how much is he going to be frightened by critics and bureaucrats?



他每天都给华盛顿带来新鲜的与众不同的观点：他实话实说，并且话多了免不了会冒犯一些人，如果意识到自己说错了，他会毫不犹豫地认错。一个战胜了癌症的人对批评和官僚会有多少惧怕呢？



"If there are groups out there that want to stand in the public square and tell the American people that marriage is a horrible institution that needs to be deconstructed, well, fine, it’s America. They can do that," he says. "I just don’t think that’s a message that resonates with most Americans around the kitchen table."



如果有人要在广场上公开告诉美国人说婚姻是一个糟糕的机制，需要拆除。很好啊，没问题，因为这里是美国。他们完全可以扯着嗓子喊，没人制止他。可我就不信这样的话能引起饭桌边大多数美国人的共鸣。





A Broken System

婚姻制度受损



First, a cultural snapshot: Ninety to 95 percent of Americans are married, have been married, or will be married, Horn says. Despite the drivel you may have read about the popularity of "starter marriages," most Americans aspire to one, lifelong marriage—not a series of marriages. And scholarly research is showing that marriage, by and large, makes people happier, healthier, and better off financially.



霍恩说，90-95%的美国人已婚、结过婚或将要结婚。尽管你也许听说过时兴所谓的"头道菜婚姻"，但是大多数美国人还是向往白头偕老的终身婚姻，一辈子结一次婚，而不是一连串儿婚。学者的研究也大体上显示婚姻使人更幸福健康，经济上富裕。



Now the bad news: America’s divorce rate, while a little lower than it stood a decade ago, remains "unacceptably high," Horn says. Out-of-wedlock births are historically high. Most concerning of all to Horn is "a false impression by young couples that the best way to insure a long-term, lifelong marriage is to cohabit before marriage—to make sure they’re right for each other." He’s not just moralizing. Indisputable evidence shows that couples who live together before marriage stand a far higher chance of getting divorced.



坏消息：美国的离婚率，虽然比十年前只略低一点，还是居高不下。婚外生育率也是空前的高。"最让人担忧的是年轻伴侣的错觉，以为同居才能试出来俩人到底般配不般配，因而是找到终身伴侣结婚的最好方式。"他并不是想从道德上对这个问题进行说教，无可辩驳的事实是，婚前同居过的伴侣的离婚几率比婚前没有同居过的要高得多。



So we can agree that marriage as an institution isn’t as healthy as it should be. But should government be in the business of providing access to marriage counseling, through vouchers for either religious or secular agencies? And aren’t conservatives such as Horn all about family values, but also about government keeping its nose out of those private matters?



不错，婚姻作为一种制度未必十全十美。但是政府就不应该有措施通过宗教的和世俗的机构提供婚姻咨询吗？象霍恩这样的保守派不就是想要坚持家庭价值观吗？那些人不就是要政府在这种私人事务上少管闲事吗？



Horn contends government is already involved in family life. "Except it’s all involvement after marriages fail, or fail to form in the first place," he says. "We spend extraordinary amounts of money to pick up the pieces after a marriage has failed, or when a child is born out of wedlock. It seems to us not unreasonable to spend a little bit of money to try to prevent some of those things from happening in the first place.

霍恩高兴地看到政府已经介入到家庭生活中来。"在婚姻失败以后或在人们已不再想结婚的时候才介入，稍晚了一点。在闹离婚以后或有了私生子以后，我们要化大笔的钱收拾残局。为什么不在一开始的时候，化一点点钱防止这些事情的发生呢？



"You want to talk about government being involved in the intimate affairs of life?" Horn asks. "Go get a divorce. You’re going to have the courts and government agencies telling you when you can see your kids, how often you can see your kids, how much money you have to spend on your kids. That’s pretty intrusive."



“你想谈一谈政府介入私人生活的问题吗？那就试一试离婚吧。法庭和政府机构的人会告诉你什么时候能见孩子，见几次，给孩子的抚养金是多少等等。那才叫介入呢。(通过立法，使离婚及离婚后的生活更难。)



Marriage: The Next Generation

结婚与否与下一代的命运



Washington policy aside, what can a happily married couple do to improve the state of marriage in our culture? Simple, Horn says: advertise. Be role models. The more good marriages young people see, the more a good marriage becomes the norm, not the exception.



华盛顿的婚姻政策如何，暂且不谈。婚姻幸福的夫妻如何帮助改进美国社会的婚姻现状呢？很简单，做广告。当典范。年轻人看到的好婚姻越多，好婚姻就越能成为社会常规，而不是例外。



"One of the things that drives young people toward cohabitation," he says, "is not a fear of marriage but a fear of divorce. And there’s good reason to be fearful of divorce, because there are a lot of divorces out there. So the more models we have of successful marriages, the more our young people will understand that this is an attainable aspiration—something they can go into joyfully, as opposed to with great trepidation."



驱使年轻人同居的不是怕结婚，而是怕离婚。怕离婚应该算情由可原，因为身边看到的离婚太多了。所以，成功婚姻的例子越多年轻人就越能相信这是一个可以实现的理想。理想是什么？是他们能兴高采烈地走进去而不是战战兢兢地面对的东西。



Next, Horn says, a happily married couple can support and encourage other marriages around them. Do you know a couple whose marriage is struggling? Encourage them to stick it out. Remind them that divorce introduces at least as many problems as it solves. And research shows that about 8 of 10 couples who persevere in "bad" marriages are much happier and rate their marriages as stable and happy just five years later.

下一步，拥有幸福婚姻的夫妻可以支持鼓励周围的夫妻。你知道哪一对夫妻闹矛盾吗？鼓励他们坚持到底。提醒他们离婚带来的新问题至少跟离婚能解决的一样多。研究显示，在所谓不幸的婚姻中坚持挺过来的，十有八九仅在5年之后又变得十分稳定幸福。



In short, don’t stay silent while we lose marriages that could be saved. That not only brings more pain to those getting divorced, it also sends a damaging message to kids: When marriage doesn’t go so well, flee.

总之，能够抢救的婚姻就抢救，不要沉默。否则，不仅给离婚人带来痛苦，也给孩子发出破坏性的信息：将来碰到婚姻不顺利，也来个逃之夭夭！



Instead, Horn says, couples can be real, honest role models for the next generation. We can do that by telling stories. Not myths, in which everything’s perfect, and we never fight, and he never leaves up the toilet seat, and she never decorates the living room with teddy bears. But tell true stories about the ups and downs of any good marriage. Financial struggles. Date nights. Mother-in-law issues. Great sex. Sin.

相反，成年夫妻可以成为下一代真心诚意的榜样。我们可以通过讲故事的方式来做。不要尽讲神话，好像一切都是完美无缺的，俩人从不争吵，他从不忘盖马桶盖，她也绝不会用泰德熊装饰客厅等等。要讲真故事，讲好婚姻的酸甜苦辣，经济纠纷，约会之夜，婆媳矛盾，性爱的乐趣。罪恶感等。



"We need to let our young people know all of us have faced challenges in our marriage, that every marriage has conflict," Horn says. "It’s a challenge, of course, but also a great joy for we who are in good, sustainable marriages, that we’ve overcome those challenges and conflicts."



我们需要让年轻人知道我们在婚姻中都遇到过挑战，每一个婚姻都有冲突。是有挑战，当然，但是我们也有伟大的快乐，我们的婚姻是好的，是可持续发展的，我们克服了挑战和冲突。



One thing we need to debunk, Horn believes, is the mystical view of marriage. There’s this idea, believed by some and reinforced by television and movies, that a good marriage is magic. That nobody truly understands what makes one marriage work and another fail, and that there really isn’t much a couple can do but hope for the best. If things don’t work out, well, then they just weren’t meant to be.





我们必须揭穿一个关于婚姻的神话，很多人相信这个神话，电影电视又大力强化之，就是所谓的好婚姻可遇不可求。谁也不知道为什么这一对儿的婚姻就灵，那一对儿就不灵。除了希望最好的，谁也无能为力。万一事情不如意，咳，他们本来就不配嘛！哪儿成得了啊！



Nonsense, Horn says.



那是瞎扯淡！霍恩说。



"There’s a lot you can do about it. And it’s worth it to work through difficulties—because when you come out on the other side, you’re often more deeply in love with your spouse than you were before. That’s certainly been true in my own marriage."

“要做得很多，克服困难是值得的，因为等你从另一头出来（克服了很多困难和挑战后）时，你通常会比以前更爱你的配偶。我自己的婚姻就是这样的。”





The Political Game

政治游戏





Can public policy and money really change our culture’s attitudes about marriage? And, in turn, can new attitudes about marriage decrease poverty?

公共政策和财政预算真的能改变我们这个文化对婚姻的态度吗？并且对于婚姻的新态度能够帮助我们减少贫困吗？



While Horn admits he doesn’t know, he thinks they can be two components, along with that intentional, grassroots promotion of marriage by happily married couples. He does know what he sees: a culture that devalues marriage and the traditional family a little more each day. And the fallout: broken marriages, broken families, broken hearts. So he believes the administration’s ideas are worth a try, that they’re not just experimental, as his critics say, but that they’re based on reliable research.



霍恩一方面承认他不知道，另一方面认为除了在草根层面由幸福婚姻夫妻有意识地倡导婚姻外，有两个部分。他确实知道他所看到的：一个一天天渐进式贬低婚姻价值和传统家庭的文化。结果：破碎的婚姻、破碎的家庭、破碎的心。所以，他相信行政手段的方式值得一试，何况这并不是试验性的，尽管批评家这么说，而是以可靠的研究为基础的。



Sure, there are distortions about what the new policies really would do—from advocacy groups’ press releases saying Horn is a dangerous social engineer who’d threaten women’s rights, to David Letterman and Jay Leno joking on late night television about the government running a matchmaking service.

当然也有歪曲讽刺新政策到底能有多大效果的，从反对派的新闻发布会指责霍恩为威胁女权的危险的社会工程师，到大卫•雷特曼和杰•雷诺的午夜笑谈电视节目讽刺政府在开婚姻介绍所等等，不一而足。



But that’s all part of the game in Washington, and Horn sees it as more of a sideshow. The initiatives got early support from influential Congress members of both parties—maybe because they listened to their constituents.

这在华盛顿都是免不了的游戏，霍恩把这些只当是穿插演出。倡议在早期就得到了两大党双方面有影响力的国会议员的支持，也许他们倾听了自己选区人民的呼声。



"This is much more controversial in media circles and at the hearing tables in Washington than it is around the kitchen tables in ordinary American homes," Horn says. And to a guy for whom family means everything, the words spoken from those kitchen tables around the nation are the ones to which he’s listening.



“目前在美国有关婚姻的讨论已经不再停留在普通人家的饭桌上，而是更热烈地在媒体界和华盛顿的听证会的会议桌上进行着。”霍恩说。而对一个家庭就意味着一切的人来说，霍恩在意的还是全美国普通人家饭桌上的话题。



Jim Killam is a freelance writer and teaches journalism at Northern Illinois University.

基姆•基兰是自由作家，在北伊利诺大学教新闻学





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